woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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