If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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