I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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