this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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