She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
