ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
