Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
