i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
