the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
