What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
