I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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