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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever

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• (801): View more from Utah

  stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me

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• (850): View more from Florida

  If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.

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