if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
