she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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