bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You can't special order awesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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