She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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