you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
