well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
