im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
