how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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