I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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