yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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