Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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