i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
