dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
