ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
