1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
