Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
