what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
