I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
