I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
