It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
