I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
