I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
