My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
