I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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