we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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