I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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