She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
