My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
