How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
