2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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