I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
