the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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