hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
