The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
