i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
