420 ftw
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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