Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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