Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
