Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
