If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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