On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
