I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
